Monday, March 11, 2013

Just keepin' it real.

Yup. Real life has come and slapped me in the face the past month. That ole green eyed monster has been working overtime on my heart. The devil knows my weak spots, and barrages them, over and over until all I can do is fall on my knees. Good thing that's a prime position to pray from - I've been on my face on the floor more than once this past month asking why, and how, and help.

First off, with spring coming, it seems that new birth is everywhere. And by that, I mean pregnant ladies. Round bellies teaming with life. Such beauty. And I am so.stinkin.jealous. My birthday came and went (#42, thankyouverymuch) the end of February, and it hit home, once again, that there are no babies in my future, except those being had by the lucky others. Don't get me wrong -- I am over the top happy for my friends and family that are expecting -- just so very sad for myself, that I'll never realize that heart-goal of being a mama. It's been a hard, baby-blues kind of month so far.

And then, I fell down the stairs. Again. I'm honestly stymied as to how I manage this, but, there you have it. This time was a little more severe. I ended up at Urgent Care, with a temporary diagnosis of a broken foot and an appointment in two weeks with a podiatrist -- and a walking boot/cast, as well. Luckily, when I saw the podiatrist, he said the fracture was actually a chip, and there is nothing they can do for that, but I still had a badly twisted ankle. So, the boot is still in my future for another week or so while that heals. We're seriously considering moving to a ranch style house. ASAP. I was thisclose to being in a cast for 9 months. No, thank you very much.

Next, my FIL ended up in the hospital. With viral pneumonia. As in, the doctor told him, if he hadn't have come in [that night], he might not have made the next day. SO scary. Thankfully, his brother had talked to him that day, and spoke to my SIL, who called and convinced my FIL to make a trip to the ER. That turned into a 4 day hospital stay. We're so thankful that he's home, and recovering nicely. There are still a few tests in his future, so if you're so inclined, prayers would be greatly appreciated for him.

I know I've talked, somewhat jokingly, in the past about being on an episode of Hoarders. And ok, I'm probably not quite that bad, but I do have hoarding tendencies. Not the trash keeping, never throw anything away, eating rotten food and storing my urine type (and I'm not judging here - I truly believe hoarding is a mental illness that needs to be treated and respected), just the I have a small house and too much crap so there are piles everywhere type. And I've been going through things, and throwing away, and purging, and donating. And yet, here I am. Still overwhelmed. Some days it's hard to move because I don't know where to start. So, I mess around on my IPhone, or computer, or Kindle, anything to escape reality for awhile. And before I know it, I've wasted another day. And Satan laughs.

I want to be one of those people that's always positive. That blogs every day, posting wonderful tutorials, and gorgeous photographs. That designs for a trending scrapbooking company. And yet, I'm not. I don't know if I even have that type of personality. Which circles me back to the why, and the help, and the face-on-the-floor prayers. I don't know if any of my nine followers noticed, but I deleted my blog for about a week. But I brought it back today. Don't ask me why. I'm pretty sure I'm around the bend crazy. But I enjoy it. Just keepin' it real.

P.S.  The MMEW 2.0, the OLW 2013, the blogging three times a week?  Still gonna try to do better with those.  I hope you'll stick with me.  Your friendship is greatly appreciated! Until next time,