Monday, March 11, 2013

Just keepin' it real.

Yup. Real life has come and slapped me in the face the past month. That ole green eyed monster has been working overtime on my heart. The devil knows my weak spots, and barrages them, over and over until all I can do is fall on my knees. Good thing that's a prime position to pray from - I've been on my face on the floor more than once this past month asking why, and how, and help.

First off, with spring coming, it seems that new birth is everywhere. And by that, I mean pregnant ladies. Round bellies teaming with life. Such beauty. And I am so.stinkin.jealous. My birthday came and went (#42, thankyouverymuch) the end of February, and it hit home, once again, that there are no babies in my future, except those being had by the lucky others. Don't get me wrong -- I am over the top happy for my friends and family that are expecting -- just so very sad for myself, that I'll never realize that heart-goal of being a mama. It's been a hard, baby-blues kind of month so far.

And then, I fell down the stairs. Again. I'm honestly stymied as to how I manage this, but, there you have it. This time was a little more severe. I ended up at Urgent Care, with a temporary diagnosis of a broken foot and an appointment in two weeks with a podiatrist -- and a walking boot/cast, as well. Luckily, when I saw the podiatrist, he said the fracture was actually a chip, and there is nothing they can do for that, but I still had a badly twisted ankle. So, the boot is still in my future for another week or so while that heals. We're seriously considering moving to a ranch style house. ASAP. I was thisclose to being in a cast for 9 months. No, thank you very much.

Next, my FIL ended up in the hospital. With viral pneumonia. As in, the doctor told him, if he hadn't have come in [that night], he might not have made the next day. SO scary. Thankfully, his brother had talked to him that day, and spoke to my SIL, who called and convinced my FIL to make a trip to the ER. That turned into a 4 day hospital stay. We're so thankful that he's home, and recovering nicely. There are still a few tests in his future, so if you're so inclined, prayers would be greatly appreciated for him.

I know I've talked, somewhat jokingly, in the past about being on an episode of Hoarders. And ok, I'm probably not quite that bad, but I do have hoarding tendencies. Not the trash keeping, never throw anything away, eating rotten food and storing my urine type (and I'm not judging here - I truly believe hoarding is a mental illness that needs to be treated and respected), just the I have a small house and too much crap so there are piles everywhere type. And I've been going through things, and throwing away, and purging, and donating. And yet, here I am. Still overwhelmed. Some days it's hard to move because I don't know where to start. So, I mess around on my IPhone, or computer, or Kindle, anything to escape reality for awhile. And before I know it, I've wasted another day. And Satan laughs.

I want to be one of those people that's always positive. That blogs every day, posting wonderful tutorials, and gorgeous photographs. That designs for a trending scrapbooking company. And yet, I'm not. I don't know if I even have that type of personality. Which circles me back to the why, and the help, and the face-on-the-floor prayers. I don't know if any of my nine followers noticed, but I deleted my blog for about a week. But I brought it back today. Don't ask me why. I'm pretty sure I'm around the bend crazy. But I enjoy it. Just keepin' it real.

P.S.  The MMEW 2.0, the OLW 2013, the blogging three times a week?  Still gonna try to do better with those.  I hope you'll stick with me.  Your friendship is greatly appreciated! Until next time,

 siggy

9 comments:

  1. Oh, Kate! What a rough 2013 you have already had. My heart goes out to you and I will keep you in my prayers. It was brave to open your feelings up to all of us. I happen to believe in you and the fact that you can accomplish anything you want to with God's help. Love you!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ah, Kate. Sorry it's been a rough start to the year. Hope things improve quickly! We had a fabulous time at Christmas though, and I am ever-so-grateful that your foot was not broken. Focus on the fact that Shelley DID go to the hospital, in part because your whole loving Ware family network keeps an eye out for each other. I wish I could write like you and create like you do....keep up the blog, in you own time and in your own way. It is perfect, because you create it. I love you!

    ReplyDelete
  3. You inspire me! So proud you are in my family! Love you Kate......Laura Salveson.

    ReplyDelete
  4. My dear, who says you have to do tutorials and create what you think we want to see? What you don't realize is that you ARE creative, but you don't give yourself credit, you silly girl. What you've written for us today just let's us know that you're real and that you feel the same things we do. We are all imperfect and strive to be someone we THINK we should be. I'd love to see the piles of stuff you've already deleted from your space...that's an accomplishment, so share it and let us all feel like we need to be more like you. Wonderful you!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Kate,
    You are so precious to me and our family. I am glad you decided to keep this blog. I peruse (a.k.a. creep) around it frequently and do get ideas and like to read your posts. I really appreciate when you acknowledge others who are doing fun things too. It takes a strong identity to remember that a "candle loses none of its light from lighting another candle." While I am not glad that you have had such difficulties recently, I am glad if it has brought you closer in your faith. Just know, I am ALWAYS only a phone call away.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hi Kate! I am Gina and we have a mutual friend in Monika. I am sorry to hear it has been a difficult month for you. Maybe you are just getting the hard stuff out of the way and will have some smooth sailing soon. Life is cyclic that way bringing us ups and downs. I would encourage you to keep on blogging! I have met some wonderful people thru my blog who I would not have met otherwise. It is also nice to keep it as a journal of the things you create. You are talented and if creating makes you happy then that is what counts!! I am looking forward to seeing some of your scrap pages and or cards

    ReplyDelete
  7. I can feel your pain. Some days(weeks) are better than others. I speak from some experiance,HA!!HA!!HA!!. Sometimes there are bad days, weeks, months, 6 months, Ect.. God only gives us what we can bear. Allen

    ReplyDelete
  8. Thank you for sharing from your heart...not just positive posts and pretty tutorials. Mike just had coffee with you FIL a few days ago and heard about his pneumonia.. I'm so sorry I didn't know he was in the hospital! We are praying for him.

    I am also sad for you with the baby blues. I can't say that I know how you feel but my heart hurts for you. I know that you have so many other positives in your life, but that doesn't cure that particular pain, I'm sure. Hugs to you over the miles.

    ReplyDelete