Just keepin' it real.

Yup. Real life has come and slapped me in the face the past month. That ole green eyed monster has been working overtime on my heart. The devil knows my weak spots, and barrages them, over and over until all I can do is fall on my knees. Good thing that's a prime position to pray from - I've been on my face on the floor more than once this past month asking why, and how, and help.

First off, with spring coming, it seems that new birth is everywhere. And by that, I mean pregnant ladies. Round bellies teaming with life. Such beauty. And I am so.stinkin.jealous. My birthday came and went (#42, thankyouverymuch) the end of February, and it hit home, once again, that there are no babies in my future, except those being had by the lucky others. Don't get me wrong -- I am over the top happy for my friends and family that are expecting -- just so very sad for myself, that I'll never realize that heart-goal of being a mama. It's been a hard, baby-blues kind of month so far.

And then, I fell down the stairs. Again. I'm honestly stymied as to how I manage this, but, there you have it. This time was a little more severe. I ended up at Urgent Care, with a temporary diagnosis of a broken foot and an appointment in two weeks with a podiatrist -- and a walking boot/cast, as well. Luckily, when I saw the podiatrist, he said the fracture was actually a chip, and there is nothing they can do for that, but I still had a badly twisted ankle. So, the boot is still in my future for another week or so while that heals. We're seriously considering moving to a ranch style house. ASAP. I was thisclose to being in a cast for 9 months. No, thank you very much.

Next, my FIL ended up in the hospital. With viral pneumonia. As in, the doctor told him, if he hadn't have come in [that night], he might not have made the next day. SO scary. Thankfully, his brother had talked to him that day, and spoke to my SIL, who called and convinced my FIL to make a trip to the ER. That turned into a 4 day hospital stay. We're so thankful that he's home, and recovering nicely. There are still a few tests in his future, so if you're so inclined, prayers would be greatly appreciated for him.

I know I've talked, somewhat jokingly, in the past about being on an episode of Hoarders. And ok, I'm probably not quite that bad, but I do have hoarding tendencies. Not the trash keeping, never throw anything away, eating rotten food and storing my urine type (and I'm not judging here - I truly believe hoarding is a mental illness that needs to be treated and respected), just the I have a small house and too much crap so there are piles everywhere type. And I've been going through things, and throwing away, and purging, and donating. And yet, here I am. Still overwhelmed. Some days it's hard to move because I don't know where to start. So, I mess around on my IPhone, or computer, or Kindle, anything to escape reality for awhile. And before I know it, I've wasted another day. And Satan laughs.

I want to be one of those people that's always positive. That blogs every day, posting wonderful tutorials, and gorgeous photographs. That designs for a trending scrapbooking company. And yet, I'm not. I don't know if I even have that type of personality. Which circles me back to the why, and the help, and the face-on-the-floor prayers. I don't know if any of my nine followers noticed, but I deleted my blog for about a week. But I brought it back today. Don't ask me why. I'm pretty sure I'm around the bend crazy. But I enjoy it. Just keepin' it real.

P.S.  The MMEW 2.0, the OLW 2013, the blogging three times a week?  Still gonna try to do better with those.  I hope you'll stick with me.  Your friendship is greatly appreciated! Until next time,

 

A New Year, A New Word, and a Splash of Gratitude!

Well, ladies and gents, we made it! Into a new year. Past the end of the world. Who'd've thunk it? But yes, it is Day 3 of 2013, and so far, things are going pretty good -- how about you? Have you made your resolutions yet? Me, not so much. I'm not sure I buy into the whole "resolution" thing -- mostly because I pretty much never keep them. Last year, I started my year off by making monthly goals, and that seemed to work pretty well for me, so I think I'll try that again for 2013. DISCLAIMER: I went to Brave Girls Camp last year, and learned a thing or two. I learned that one, I AM a brave girl, and that two, Today is Day One. So is tomorrow. Everyday can be day one, so I'm going to be gentle with myself. (more on this in #2)! So without any further ado, here are my January goals, in no particular order:

 1. Move more, eat well -- This is a Cathy Zielske class, hosted by Big Picture Classes. I'm trying a different approach this year. I've had "diet" on my resolution list for, oh, I don't know, EVER. It doesn't work. And, I can't afford the surgery, so this year I'm throwing it all out the window. I'm thinking about M.E. I'm pretty sure that I'm a nice person - at least, I try to be - and it's high time I treated mySELF nicely. And I think that making better health decisions -- i.e., what foods I put into my body and choosing to get in a little exercise -- are probably the best way to start enforcing the niceness. If I lose weight along the way, all the better. But my GOAL is to be a better me. I'm hoping participating in the class will help me with motivation!

2. Choosing "One Little Word" for 2013: PEACE -- I'm so glad there are really motivated people out there with really good ideas that I can work with! Ali Edwards' "OLW2013" is another year-long class I'm participating in, and this year I've chosen the word "PEACE." This goes along with being nicer to myself. For so long, I've suffered from depression and anxiety. This year, I want to invite peace into my life and into my body. I want to pray more. I want to learn to meditate. I'd love to do yoga. I want to be mindful -- to live in the moment, in the now, and not worry about tomorrow or what might have been. And I want to be gentle with myself -- to realize that these goals are not going to come right away. They're going to take work.  And that's okay. Because each day gives me the opportunity to start fresh, to invite peace into my mind and my soul, to move more and eat well, and to practice making each of them a habit.

3. Live with a Grateful Heart -- My sweet friend Monika Wright gifted me with one of her amazing Gratitude Journals last year. I absolutely loved it -- but I'm sad to say, I wasn't very good at writing things down. :/ This year my goal is to do better. I've put together my own little journal, and I'm hoping to get much closer to documenting 365 things I'm grateful for! I really believe that living with a grateful heart puts everything into perspective. From the great big miracles to the itty bitty everyday things that we usually don't notice, we need to be thankful for them all. It's in the noticing that gratitude comes. 

4. Blogging More -- This one seems pretty easy compared to the others, but it's really not! Even though I've been online for a couple a years now, I'm still really new to this whole blogging thing. I'd like to post more, I'd like to make more connections with other people, I'd like to take a few classes and maybe step up my blog a little! :) This will also probably be a year-long goal, but my immediate goal for January is to blog at least twice a week.

Phew!  To some of you, that may not seem like much.  I'm sure it will keep my plate full!  What about the rest of you?  Do you make resolutions?  Set goals?  Fly by the seat of your pants?  I would love to hear your plans for the coming year!  Wishing you all a fantastic 2013.

Until next time,